Is there a dentist’s chair in the house?

Is there a dentist’s chair in the house? Inside Track by Mark Stretton Can somebody please point me in the direction of a dentist’s chair? The only ones I’m aware of are not those loved by Gazza, and normally belong to men in white coats in possession of an unnerving array of instruments. Sitting in one invariably leaves me light of pocket and soar of mouth. Perhaps I need to get out more. Yet, maybe not. The KPMG study commissioned by the government looking at on-trade town centre drinking a little while back found just two across the whole of the UK. It would seem that the so-called dentist’s drinking chair is about as proliferated as the mythical 24-hour on-trade establishment. The chair is hardly one of the great social ills of our time yet it was one of the headline grabbers last week when the government unveiled its new assault on problem drinking – and Binge Britain. Leading figures from the on-trade could be forgiven for thinking that the creators of the eventually-aired mandatory code were perhaps in need of a long sit down in a horizontal chair and a chat to a health professional in a white coat. It was so stunningly lop-sided, so lacking in substance and clarity, with supermarkets and the off-trade absent from the issue, that many were left rubbing their eyes in disbelief. Some could not refrain from ranting. Cue Derek Andrew, the long-standing managing director of Marston’s managed pub division. “It is a hopeless veneer of legislation,” he told me. “It doesn’t deal with the fundamental problems of our society which it is meant to. It fundamentally misses the mark lock stock and barrel, it does not deal with teens drinking on the streets, excessive drinking at home and it is offensive to people that operate well-run pubs and bars. “It is a dismal patchwork quilt designed to deal with the obsessions of Daily Mail readers. “And unfortunately it is a sad indictment on the intellect of those individuals that prepared it.” Andrew is not alone in feeling a genuine mix of frustration and anger. In the shock and awe of last week, many operators spoke of the futility of ongoing engagement with those in positions of power, and the overwhelming frustration stemming from the gaping disconnect between what happens at seemingly collaborative meetings behind closed doors in Whitehall and what emerges in hard, cold policy: constructive dialogue among all stakeholders and an overwhelming sense of progress versus the sledgehammer of reality when announcements like last week’s mandatory code hits the industry’s doormat. This was retrograde stuff, particularly because the industry genuinely thought that the message around supermarkets – they are indeed a significant part of the problem of excessive drinking and fast-paced consumption – had sunk in. However, it must be remembered that we are now getting into full-swing election mode. The supermarkets are powerful and upsetting them is probably not wise. And doing anything that makes voters pay more for their booze at the local Asda or Tesco does not sound like a vote winner. Perhaps this is a case of sitting it out until after May, and then going back to work on the supermarket issue with the new government. That said, what cannot have helped is a pub trade obsessed with internal issues, like the tie, versus a united off trade. However, despite a perception that the pub industry really does have no lobbying power, retreating from the negotiating table would be a mistake. The industry’s lobbyists were quick to play down the damage of the mandatory code. The dentist chair? There aren’t any. Ladies drinking free? Let’s all put a line through that one. Drink-all-you-can deals? Yes, let’s forget those too once and for all. The real sense of injustice, supermarkets aside, was the dramatic sanctions front-line bar workers could face should they fall foul of the new code. But this is surely about getting the message across? Hopefully no judge, no matter how bad a day they were having, would impose the sort of fines or custodial sentences being spoken of last week. It was also particularly galling for late-night operators who will essentially face a new tax, as local authorities are given the green light to levy greater charges against late licences. What is clear from all this is that the industry must do a better job of engaging directly with the public and the media. The public must start to believe that their local pub is an endangered species, and the media must be encouraged to ask more questions. I was stunned, given that we are approaching a general election, at how easily the national press picked up and ran with the government’s line on this issue last week. And please please please BBPA can we have some research? Something far-reaching and of sufficient scale that really throws some light on the nation’s drinking habits, especially in the 16-30 age group. What are people doing? Where are they buying? And how much are they drinking? And what does “real” Britain think on the issues of alcohol, pubs, and supermarkets? CGA is in the midst of compiling its annual report into the habits of nightclub goers in concert with Galaxy Radio. Hopefully its findings will help push back on some of last week’s din. There is some mileage in pursuing an unholy alliance with the health lobby. They were quick to criticise the mandatory code, saying it did not go far enough. Leading medical bodies said the code did not address the problems of people buying cheap drinks from supermarkets and getting “pre-loaded” at home. Aligning with the health profession wherever possible is always sensible – they will be believed long before a bunch of guys who make their living from selling booze and running bars. And perhaps it is now time to consider backing a minimum price law? Many in the industry are understandably hesitant. “Thou Shalt Not Discount On Bulk Purchases” should be the very least that the industry aims for. It is something the health lobby would surely back. The battle on the mandatory code is perhaps lost for now, but the war (excuse the language) must go on. The promised land is for the pub industry to unite behind a common issue, with support from the public and the health profession. Enlightened thinking from M&B Mitchells & Butlers’s presentation on future growth opportunities drew a mixed response from analysts last week, with some pondering who was going to foot the bill for its plan to double six growth-driving brands. “The presentation amounted to a rights issue pitch without the rights issue or shareholders’ backing,” proffered Numis’s Douglas Jack. That aside, M&B did reveal an enlightened approach to the issue of staff tips and customer satisfaction. It had discovered that the level of staff tips and the strain of customer feedback were two of the key indicators to future sales growth of any given outlet, and consequently was doing its best to compile such data in real time. In the top quartile of pubs that achieved the best customer satisfaction feedback, it experienced a 6.6% increase in sales, year on year. Conversely, in those pubs where customer satisfaction feedback was at its lowest, sales slumped by 4.9%. A new approach to discounting? Apologies – this is not intended to be death-by-column for a Monday morning. But if you are still reading, one final thought on discounting. It strikes me that the loyalty card is a concept whose time has come. January sales aside, it seems everyone is at it – M&S Cafes, Krispy Kreme, Pizza Express, Byron, Fuller’s pubs, as well as the usual coffee chains. Collect so many stamps on a card and get your sixth burger, or tenth coffee, free. This does perhaps seem a more intelligent approach to discounting. We will watch this space.